i photograph, therefore i am

my dear chewie

My dearest dearest chewie,

It has been 10 years since i first laid eyes on you.
You came into my life as a surprise. Seeing you being
only 2 month old, sleeping quietly in the little
cardboard box. Chris bought you in secret and incurred
Mom and Dad's wrath. Alfred, Chris and me took turn
to take care of you. Teaching you how to do your business
at the newspapers, how not to wet our mattresses while we
bathed, taking turns to bring you for a shower when you
smell after sweating in our hot little 3 room flat and
not bite the sofas and our shoes.

Thank you for waiting at the door for us when we
are not home. It feels really good at least to see
someone excited that we're home. I will miss stroking
you as you lie on your back.I will miss running up and
down the house playing catching with you.
I will miss playing fetch with you. I will miss
having to hug you to bed. I will miss you sleeping on
my tummy especially when Dad is so angry with you as
you sought refugee with me.

Do you know, when you were only a few years old,
I had dreams that you were old and you left me,
i would cry and pray that it would not happen.
But as the years went, the phyiscal and mental toll
of taking care of you have numbed this feeling.
Even until times where i wish that we never got you.

Right now, i wish you were alive but yet at the same time
seeing you being tortured by old age, i rather you not.
As i saw you last night, i pray to God to take you home.
I really hate to see you being tortured like this.
You have lost your appetite and refused to eat for a
couple of days. I have never seen and felt you in such a
way, so skinny and weak.

And i had to be the first this morning to see you
struggle in your last few moments and watch you
breathe your last. I'm sorry for all the pain that
you have to bear. I pray that one day, i'll be able
to see you again, healthy, alive and happy.

Until then, my dear chewie, i will miss you and like
what i would say before i sleep in the early days
with you lying in my arms
"Good night and I love you."

posted by Alvin Lim @ 4:58 PM 0 Comments

stretcher

Last week til next week,
being as like a bee
buzzing around pushing buttons.

Awake before the dawn of day
laying asleep many hours after dusk
i am on a stretcher screaming
i wish to sleep!!!

posted by Alvin Lim @ 3:21 PM 0 Comments

Lessons i've learned

Been rather busy lately and really, didn't have much to talk
about. Life is quite routine to a certain extend. I felt, i didn't
have anything interesting to blog about.

Since i'm back again, must be something to tell whoever is
reading this right? Well, the past week was quite a week.
I went over to Sukdai on sunday with alot of taiwanese!
I get to know them really better from this trip from last
minute pracs, eating awesome breakfast together,
sharing about the whole trip etc. Thank God for the chance
to be able to serve and mingle with them. Make me
miss taiwan. haha. And a bunch of them have just
flown to taiwan today. They should have just touched
down now. I learned alot at Sukdai. How awesome is
the grace of God. The sound may be bad, there might
not have enough time to practice, playing in wrong key,
drum pedal getting stuck in your jeans (and many more),
the presence of God is still present. We simply just did
our best and God did the rest.

Back in Singapore, God taught me a life lesson yesterday
and today. I was bascially thrown into deep water to swim.
Last minute (within 30-60mins) got to get up stage to play
for morning P&W and ministry in school. I kinda suck la. ha.
But as i was playing, all i say is, God, i'm doing my best, all
i can. You guide me, help me to flow. Even though, i didn't
do like the best, but i felt the grace of God. I was a little
discouraged but i know, i've did my best and i couldn't
or would have done it better in that situation.
I personally experienced the coming to the end of oneself
and letting God take over for 3 times this week.
We need this experiences sometimes more than 3 times
in a week. We need it everyday. God's amazing grace.

posted by Alvin Lim @ 5:31 PM 0 Comments